The Once and Future Blog of Me

Hi. You might remember me as the person who used to update this blog occasionally. You also might remember me as The Noxzema Girl from the early-90s commercials, but if you do, you’re wrong.

I’ve been sans-blogosphere for a few weeks, and I just bet you’re dying to hear my excuses:

1) I’ve been in production on my magazine. “Oh, well, of course,” you’re thinking. “A woman with no job and no particular commitments naturally needs four full weeks to produce her quarterly magazine. I just bet it makes lots of money and that this time around she got it to the printer on time!” No and no. But still. On June 15th it will be released and you should buy it, smart-aleck.

2) My vacuuming machine broke. Well, it didn’t actually break. It began to be smelly and refused to perform its duties properly. I thought I should throw it away, but my dear friend Kelly was kind enough to perform a long-distance telephonic diagnosis on the loathsome beast, and concluded: it needed a new belt. It took me three weeks to purchase and install the new belt, during which time, obviously, it was pointless to cook or clean or wipe maple syrup off the counter, because what is the use of a home-cooked meal and a not-covered-in-dirty-socks coffee table if the floor is dirty? Right. So I did nothing around the house, giving me nothing to blog about.

3) I got a Nabaztag for my birthday. Confused as to how the acquisition of a wireless electronic bunny could possibly prevent an otherwise healthy woman from blogging, cooking, showering, or leaving the house whatsoever? Well, well, well, aren’t you a fancy-pants. Go buy one and just see if you don’t spend a full week laying on the couch staring at it, and if you don’t sob and claw at your face when the server goes down and your bunny can’t connect to the internet for an entire day. Go ahead. I dare you.

So, that’s that. I have done nothing worth blogging about for a month; hence, no blogs. But I got really awesome cookware for my birthday and an APRON, if you can believe it, so I am back in the housefrau saddle. Expect regular reports from the land of whoops-I-caught-the-oven-mit-on-fire-but-somehow-the-chicken-is-still-raw from now on. Unless, of course, something else breaks, or they come out with another electronic device shaped like something cute.

Uh-oh.